The Bus Stop Disaster
Written by: Elizabeth Whittaker
E-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com
Author's notes: This is the result when you fall asleep at the bus stop, waiting for the bus to come and you hear someone rapping in the backround. While doing that, I am working on the Lufia III script and running the Lufia.net RP board, of which I am currently the mod. If you want to join it, feel free.
There are no spoilers in this, since I have not beaten it myself at this point in time.
This was one crazy dream, so I will list a couple of things. Wain and Dei are supposed to be Dre and Emenim. Seena and Melphis are supposed to be just Japanese schoolgirls. Amon was messed up from my friend Mamin 73's comic Lufia and the Sprite Comic of Doom. And the rest . . . you'll see.
Legal stuff: Without Me and Kim belong to Emenim. Lufia III: The Legend Returns belongs to Neverland Company. Ludacris belongs to Ludacris. I do not know what the song was called. Pushing Me Away belongs to Linkin Park and Oh Boy belongs to Camron. All About the He Said, She Said Bullshit was by Limp Bizkit and My Heart Will Go On was by Celine Dion, from the Titantic soundtrack. Barney belongs to the people that made Barney and so does that god darn song we all hate so much.
This story is supposed to be funny. So sit down, laugh and enjoy. Feedback is appericated. ~_^
Wain stood there, wondering why the bus stop was empty. He stood there in his too big white t-shirt and blue jeans, trying to portray Emenim and had headphones on his head. "Well, Seena and Melphis are late," he told himself as he put the song "Kim" up higher, rapping along with it. "How could you let him sleep in our bed . . . "
While he was rapping, someone dressed as Dre came up and slammed up the volume, a boombox on his shoulder. "Why the heck do you have that puny CD player, Wain?" the imatition of Dre asked, using his other hand to put the top of his hat to the back of his head. "That looks stupid!"
Wain was still rapping along, trying to drown out the rapping on the radio. "You really did a number on me . . . "
The radio was put up louder until the guy screamed, "WAIN!!"
Wain dropped his headphones. "Dammit, Dei! There goes the third pair this week!" Then he looked to the boombox. "Say, that's nice. Where'd you get a steal like that?" He turned it down.
"What?" Dei asked. "Couldn't hear you!"
"Where'd you get a steal like that?"
Dei grinned as he rapped, "Stole it from a store called Best Buy. Best Steal's more like it . . . " Emenim's other song came on the radio, "Without Me". They started rapping together. "Two trailer park girls go 'round the outside . . . 'round the outside . . . 'round the outside . . ."
Just then, Seena came up from around the corner and groaned, holding her schoolbooks in her hands. A typical Japanese schoolgirl outfit was on her, which was a Sailor Moon looking outfit. The skirt was blue, however. In her right hand was a rock, and in her left were schoolbooks. "Bums," she told them. "Since you saved the world, you think that education isn't important!"
" 'Guess who's back . . . back again . . . Shady's back . . . tell a friend . . .' " Wain rapped, and rapped rather badly at that. He rapped so badly that Seena screamed at him.
"You aren't even listening to me, stupid!!" She threw the rock at him.
Wain fell to the ground.
Dei stopped rapping. "Hey, that was my song, Seena!" He told her, bobbing up and down, like Dre did in the song. Seena actually had her eyes wide. "What? We saw the music video! It's not like we have the Batmobile! And I learned everything I need to know in this book . . . " He pulled a book out of his pocket and handed it to Seena.
Seena leafed through it. "Everything I Learned I Learned In LSDS101 Class?"
Dei nodded. "Yeah. It's great."
Wain got up. "Hey, that's mine!!" He tried to grab it from Seena, but she kicked him in the stomach and she fell back to the ground again. "Dammit . . . " he groaned.
Seena sighed. "Learning Special Developental Skills? It's a book on retarded people!"
Dei grinned. "Great, huh?" Then he went back to rapping.
Seena looked around the corner and saw Princess Melphis coming. "Melphis! Hey!!"
Melphis looked at the rappers and groaned. "This has gone on far enough. Wain, Dei. Enough."
" 'So the FCC won't let me be . . .' " Dei rapped this time. "Hey, Mel. Did Randolph actually let you go this time?"
"Very funny," Melphis snapped, moving her green braid out of her way. "It was DBAM that kept me this time. He's kind of looney if you ask me, although I think he has a crush on Lufia now. Thank goodness." She sighed. "When are you guys going to grow out of Emenim and Dre?"
Wain shrugged. "Probably never. We like to rap." They heard another part of the song and started to rap again. " 'So the FCC won't let me be . . .' "
Dei joined him. " 'This looks like a job for me . . . ' "
Melphis groaned. "I can't believe this," she told Seena. "I used to like Dei, too. He actually was cute!"
At this Dei stopped rapping and took off his hoodie and put the boombox on the bench. "What was that, Melphis?" he asked, starting to put his arm around her. "I could stop my rapping career for you, Princess." His blue eyes twinkled.
Melphis huffed. "Now I wouldn't even consider it, Dre," she muttered. "The minute you saw a radio, you would rap you butt off." She rolled her eyes, taking off her fake glasses. "And get your arm off me!" She pushed him into the bench, which knocked the boombox over.
It did not break, however. But the song was over, which made Dei mad.
"Aww, Melphis, you made me miss the rest of the song!" He picked up the boombox and changed the station and changed it to 92.3. The song that was playing now was a Ludacris song. He started singing to that. " 'Give it to me now . . . give it to me now . . . give it to me now . . . give it to me now . . .' "
Wain looked at him. "You're singing to that stuff? Icky. Oh, I forgot, you're the black rapper." He blinked as he listened to the song. "That's sick, man. It's about sex and making out." He changed the station to 106.5 and the song now was Pushing Me Away, by Linkin Park, a song and a group that everyone liked.
The four of them started singing.
" 'Why I never walked away . . .
Why I find myself this way . . .
Now I see that testing me
Pushes me away . . . '
Why I never walked away . . .
Why I played myself this way . . .
Now I see that testing me
Pushes me away . . . ' "
Seena and Melphis giggled as they blasted to the music.
"Wain picked a good song. Thanks, Hero," Seena said, clapping to the music as she sang off-key.
Wain blushed a red as deep as his hair.
A laughing voice came to the right of them and they turned to see Gades in a Scottish outfit, kilt and all. At this the four heroes of Lufia III had a scared look on their faces.
"Holy shit!" Seena whispered. "I think this is the first time I've been scared in my life of the Sinistral of Destruction . . . he's destroying his own reputation!"
Gades, still laughing, approached the bus stop and stood next to Seena. "You can't sing, you know," he told her. "Just thought I'd let you know that."
Melphis looked him up and down and fainted. Dei caught her and put her next to the bench and changed the station one more time to 105.7, the song now being Camron's Oh Boy song. The song said " 'Oh Boy' " throughout the entire song. He blasted it in her ear to wake her up.
She jumped up and screamed. "YEEOW!"
Wain laughed at Gades. "When did you turn Scottish?" He pointed at him.
Gades walked over to Wain. "I was always Scottish. It's a show and tell your hertiage day. But you wouldn't know, since you don't go to school. Get your education." Then he backhanded him and set him flying.
"Yahh . . . .!" Wain said as he was flying.
Seena was now scared and ran away from the bus stop, only to run into Erim a few seconds later. Seena blinked at her attire. She was also in normal school clothes, but not in Japanese school clothes. She was an American schoolgirl. She had a green tee-shirt that had mideveal sleeves that had the word "Bitch" on it and blue bellbottoms that faded in and out. She also had her long purple hair down for once and was wearing tennis shoes.
"Whoa, this is too wierd," she whispered. "What are you doing here?"
Erim shrugged. "Trying to get away from Amon," she muttered. "Him and that damned Barney of his. I'll shoot myself if I hear him singing it again . . . " She pushed Seena on the ground and ran.
"What a sleesze," Seena told herself. "Wait until I see her next!" She got up and walked back to the bus stop. It was at this time that she ran into Wain, who was wiping dirt from his face, revealing a black eye. "What happened, Wain?"
Wain muttered, "Gades thinks I need to go to school and backhanded me . . . " He rubbed his face where he was backhanded.
Seena sighed. "Well, don't worry about that now." Then she saw someone else coming. "Who's that?"
Wain gasped. "Aima!? In a dress!?" He looked again. "And a skimpy one at that . . .and she's with Amon . . . oh no . . . "
Seena was now mad. "No, she is not! Amon! You will release her this instant!!" She ran up to him and stopped a minute later. Aima was singing the Barney song with him!! Now she was embarrassed. "Aima!!"
Aima looked at her and blinked, wearing a short white dress with two thin straps on each side. "Oh, Seena!" She showed Seena her Barney keychain. "Isn't this just the cutest thing? Amon took me out on a date and . . . "
Was she even hearing this? Amon and Aima? "Aima, don't you even realize--" Then she looked to Amon and saw that he was in a business outfit, with a tie and everything. "And what are you supposed to be, watching Barney?!"
"Yeah!' Wain asked, coming up to Seena."What are you supposed to be?"
Amon smirked. "I was offered a job as a subsitute teacher . . . "
It was at this time that Dei and Melphis came up with Erim, Dei carrying the boombox. Melphis saw Amon and Aima and nodded. "You two still going out?" She smirked. "It's about time you took her out on a date there, Amon."
Seena screamed, "Am I the only one who knows everything last?!"
Wain blinked. "I thought we just established that they had gone out, Seena . . . "
"Shut up, stupid!!" Seena yelled, hitting him in the head.
"Oww . . ." Wain said, rubbing his head.
Dei muttered, "I can't even get a date there with Melphis . . ."
"Dei, turn off the damn boombox!" Amon shouted as he turned up the television. "I can't hear Barney!"
Wain and Dei sighed. They did not want to hear about the purple dinosaur. And they just heard a Limp Bizkit song on the air on 99.1. And they blasted that. It was All About the He Said, She Said Bullshit.
" 'It's all about the he said, she said bullshit . . . ' " Wain and Dei sang.
Amon glared at them. "Shut up, you yo boys! I want to listen to Barney!!"
"Umm . . . did you know that Barney got shot with an AK-47 about three years ago?" Dei told him.
Amon started to cry.
Aima glared at Dei. "Now look what you did. Why do you have to make fun of him? So he likes Barney. Big deal."
Dei looked at her. "And you like him why, exactly?"
"He makes more money then you do!"
"The Sinistral who watches Barney?! I'd rather die first!"
Wain continued to sing to Limp Bizkit and Seena looked to Erim.
"Look, I know we hate each other, but . . ."
Erim laughed. "Yeah. Let's take the TV."
Seena beat up Amon and Erim took the TV. Aima now started to get angry and Melphis took Aima to calm down.
"Now, let's see if the Power Rangers are on . . . " Erim flipped through the basic cable channels and found the Power Rangers. "Yeah! Tommy's fighting Kimberly!"
Seena growled. "Oh no you don't! I want to watch Jerry Springer!!!" She tried to take the TV and found that the Kimberly and Tommy fight was interesting, now that one of them was bleeding to death. "Oh, cool. Why didn't you tell me this was the uncut Power Rangers!"
"Yeah! They have sex too!" Erim said.
Seena went and puked all over Erim.
Meanwhile, Amon had stopped crying and tried to get Wain to stop singing every song on the radio. The Titantic song was playing on 106.5 and both Dei and Wain were singing it.
" 'Near and far
Wherever you are . . .
I believe that the heart
Does go on and on . . .' "
"Your singing sucks!!" Amon yelled. "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family . . ."
Dei yelled, "That shot your dinosaur with an AK-47 . . . "
"And never buried him because he was ugly!" Wain finished.
The two laughed and gave each other a high five.
Amon just threw himself at the two and they had a wrestling match.
Gades just watched all this from the bus stop and shook his head. "You pathetic fools. When is the bus going to get here?"
"I hope soon, Gades," Aima growled. "I don't want to kick someone's ass before I go to school."
Gades smirked. "I do."
Erim and Seena were done watching the Power Rangers and had turned on Jerry Springer. The topic was . . .
"Us?!" they yelled. "How?"
"Apparently a camera man is there, taping the whole thing. And they are staring at their asses right now," Jerry Springer announced.
"Where's the camera man?!" Erim growled. "No one takes a shot of my ass and gets away with it!"
Seena laughed. "You're pissed?"
"Yeah!" Erim looked at Seena. "Don't you want to get them?"
Seena shrugged. "Well, yeah. Let's go."
They broke the TV and dived for the bushes, where the camera man was. His name was Bill. They both pounced on him and when they grabbed him, they tore his shirt off. Seena grabbed the camera and Erim grabbed him by the hair. Then they took him out of the bushes.
"So you were paid by Jerry Springer to tape us live on this bus stop in the middle of Quebec, Canada?" Erim asked.
Seena glared at her. "We're not in Quebec! We're in Randallstown, Maryland! The number 77 bus doesn't run down there! And Catonsville Community College isn't even there!"
Erim looked at her. "Then what is down there, anyway?"
"Rednecks like DBAM and other people who can't come in the east and live here cause their parents won't let them."
Erim shrugged. "Their SOL, huh?" Then she turned to Bill. "Now what to do with you . . ."
Dei and Wain were struggling to get out of the wrestling match with Amon and finally, after another black eye from Amon, and a vroken arm from Dei, Wain fell to the ground. "Fine, I'll give up being Emenim!" he yelled. "Just stop beating me up!!"
Dei looked at the camera man and got decked in the chin, falling on Wain, brusing his leg.
"Oww . . . " Wain muttered.
"Look, if you let me tape this, you can go on Jerry Springer and talk all the nastiest stuff you want about your friends," Bill promised. He just wanted Erim to let go of his hair.
"Nah, we can fight all we want by destroying one another and the world," Seena said. "We do it everyday after school and before bedtime."
Erim laughed. "Yeah and I save the world on my lunch break. Little punk." Then she looked at the camera. "That looks expensive. You know, Seena, we can make a fortune in like, Forfeit Island with that thing."
Bill looked horrified. "H--Hey! I need that for my job!"
Seena grinned an evil grin. "You should have thought about that before taking pictures of our ass and then using it for his show. And I have seen all the pornography on your site, Mr.!"
His face paled.
"Alright, we take the camera and we split the cost, 50/50!" Seena agreed. "Then after that, we can fight again."
"Deal," Erim said, shaking her hand.
Just then, the number 77 bus pulled up and while everyone was preoccupied, Melphis and Aima decided to get on the bus.
"That'll show them. They'll all miss it!" Melphis laughed.
She stepped on . . .
Only to find that three other ladies were hanging all over the bus driver, who was Daos himself. He was wearing an Hawaiian shirt with sblue jeans. His purple hair was in a braid and Melphis was damned if she did not want to kiss him and she was quite pissed off. At the sight of them hanging all over Daos, she was outraged and screamed.
"Daos!! What's with all the hooches!!"
Daos blinked. "I try to get them away, but it's all my fans! I swear . . ."
Aima got on the bus and beat all the girls up while Melphis got off the bus, screaming about all the guys she liked were taken or gay. When they were all unconscious, she got off and yelled, "The bus is here! Get on or lose the ride!!"
Wain was too crippled to try to get up and Dei carried him to the bus, carrying the boombox to the bench. "We can leave that behind. No more rapping for me."
"So nice of you to give that up," Seena told him.
"Look at Wain," Dei said.
Seena gasped. "Wain!" She took him from Dei and carried him to the bus, getting him hit on the door as she carried him on the bus.
"OWW!!" Wain screamed.
Melphis had to get Aima to coax her on the bus, with Amon and Erim following.
"It's okay, Melphis, Daos is single," Erim told her. "At least, I think he is . . ."
And so all of them got on the bus, ready to go to the college for the day.